Saturday, October 20, 2012

Difficult season, but much more aware

We are in the midst of a difficult season again with one of our kids, but this time we're much more aware. I wrote about it before here.

We are having nightly bedtime battles, often a couple of hours long. Lots of spitting, kicking, biting, trying to steal my glasses, running away, laughing...out of control. Today we had one because I complimented her. An hour later, I felt like I had run a marathon. Insane. Cried, read my Bible, and decided to call a friend and get out and talk. The funny thing was, we spent 2 hours talking about our kids, but she UNDERSTOOD COMPLETELY. There are no words for that.

I know God called us to this battle. Adoption is not for the weak. And I know we are not alone. We've been reminded of that so many times lately. Here. Here. And through good friends.

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."--Hebrews 12:1

This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. And it will be lifelong. But when God sets it before us, He will give us what we need moment by moment.

I am so thankful for a community of believers to hold me up when the going gets rough.

I am so humbled that I often treat God in the same ways, fighting against what is best from a loving God who knows me better than I know myself.

I am beyond astounded at the husband God gave me to run this race with. He shows me such selflessness and cares for our children so well. Love his post tonight.

I love it that God is using these times with her to give us countless opportunities to speak truth to her heart, to share the gospel, to go to war with the lies in her heart. That she is a bad girl. That she is unlovely. That she is not wanted. The she is not accepted.

I'm in a small group right now going through Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts. Learning to choose joy, especially when everything feels like it is falling apart. Because it is through joy and thankfulness that we battle these lies and dig deep into the Father's heart.

"Isn't this the crux of the gospel? The good news that all those living in the land of the shadow of death have been birthed into new life, that the transfiguration of a suffering world has already begun. That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart--and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished symphony of beauty. Can I believe the gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of my life into the song of His Son?" (page 100)

All is grace.

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