Monday, October 3, 2011

Home from China FAQ and a plea for help

I have had zero time for blogging since we've been home. Once we got back, we dealt with health issues for all three kids and I sprained my ankle. I still don't have time to blog, but we are desperate to get this information out. Thank you to all who have been praying for us.

How is your family doing?
We are equally struggling and doing well. We love having three kids and the transition to that has been very smooth. However, each individual child has been struggling with the changes, and that has been exhausting for us. We've been overwhelmed at the immensity of our kids' personal challenges.

How is Brendan adapting?
We are past the honeymoon period. He and Aidan get along great. He doesn't like Iona much yet. Brendan has been attached to Daddy from day 1, and that has not changed. When Pete went back to work, Brendan would not look at me at all by the afternoon. That has gotten better, but even tonight Brendan got very upset at me wanting to put him to bed...he definitely wanted Daddy. We have the biggest power struggles with him at meal times. He is learning that we love him but we are also in charge. I am learning patience.

Has he learned any English words?
Brendan understands a heck of a lot more than he can speak. We've been home just over six weeks, and we've seen more confidence in him in the words he says. He is speaking a little louder, where before he would barely even whisper to us when speaking English. He can say hi, more, please, please may I be excused (with help), Aidan, Iona, Daddy, Momma, apple, cars, book, the ABC song, amen,

Is Aidan feeling better?
For those who didn't hear, Aidan was having chronic diarrhea that started about 2 weeks before we left. It was not bad while we were gone, but then returned just as we came home. We could not keep up with it and he was losing weight. The doctor ran a bunch of tests, and we discovered that he had too much yeast in his gut. He is now dairy-free, sugar-free, and white flour-free. He is taking a strong probiotic each day, and now he can tolerate some of the above foods in small amounts. We will be doing this for the next few months and then see what he can take.

How is Aidan doing with his new brother?
Aidan has adapted really well with all the changes. He shares a room with Brendan and has been willing to share all but one set of his toys (including the ninja turtles!). He loves having Brendan in the bunk beds. He has been a great leader, helping Brendan with some of the day-to-day routine. And he does it happily. We have seen an increase in anger in him, and a few more tears than usual. Just before we traveled we had to stop his occupational therapy for his sensory processing disorder (he is sensory-avoidant) due to insurance changes. We've realized that his anger comes when he is in "fight" mode, and we need to work on helping him self-regulate. We need to find a new therapist (probably out of town) who is covered by our insurance, does specific sensory therapy, and will allow me in the room so I can learn. Until then, we're trying some things with him around the house.

How is Iona doing?
This could be a whole post in itself. Iona had a difficult time with us leaving her to get Brendan, and we didn't realize just how much for a little while after we had been home. We are working to rebuild trust and felt safety with her and disarm her fear. She has been over-the-top defiant, screaming and laughing at inappropriate times. She does seem to enjoy Brendan, and sometimes they play together so beautifully. We've learned to decode Brendan's squeals to know whether he's happy or not, and usually she is involved. We've had to change most of our parenting strategies, and it's been a hard but good exercise to unlearn what isn't working or helpful. I just went to a conference with speaker Karen Purvis, author of The Connected Child. I'm not going to rehash the conference, because I think Karen, Jennifer, and Angela each summed it up in amazing ways, and I just don't have time. It was SO worth it for me to go, and we bought some videos to help us learn and process the material and parenting method. I had already read most of the book before the conference and had started some of the technique the week before, and we were seeing some progress. Then I went away and got some awesome information and encouragement and rest. This last week has been incredibly difficult, and we started school on top of it. We've wondered jokingly at various times if Iona has SPD but is a sensory-seeker, and at the conference I became even more convinced. When we find an OT for Aidan we plan to get her tested as well.

How are you two doing?
We are having fun with our newer, larger family. Nothing major has caught us off-guard. However, we are exhausted at the end of each day and don't know how we are going to get done what we need to in the evenings and wake up and start all over again. Only with Jesus. We are thankful for Purvis' book and the new strategies we are learning. We are also on a waiting list with our home study agency to receive play therapy in our home for our kids for free...we should be able to start in the next couple of months. We are excited to get some new parenting tools from that.

How can we help?
We are thankful to all who have asked this. I have not really known how to respond, because, due to attachment-building, we can't really leave the kids with a sitter and go out. Here are some other ideas:
  • Come over and hang out with one of us here with the kids. Bring your kids if you want (as long as they are healthy!). The other one will get out for some respite time. We will not ask you to parent our kids, but we'd love it if you could hang out with the others when we have to hunt one down. If you educate at home, maybe we could work out some combined school time.
  • Help us clean our house. This is very difficult when we are cooking, teaching, and dealing with orphanage dust.
  • Pete will be on a business trip for 4 days in Oct. I could use support especially on those days!
  • Invite us out to a park. We would rather not go to other people's homes just yet, but a park would be delightful, especially with the weather so nice.
  • If you have another idea, please offer it up!
We would call YOU personally, and we really want to hear how YOU are doing, but life is a bit exhausting at the moment and the mental energy to do that has disappeared.

Please call me (home phone preferred, but you can try my cell) or email me. I am barely on Facebook right now, and since they've made all their changes I don't get email notifications of new messages.

1 comment:

  1. Melissa,
    I got your comment on my blog and replied in my comments on the site I used to make the cake. I would assume, if you are able to think about cakes, that things have calmed down around your house. I hope so! I guess, doesn't matter how much time passes, there will always be *those days*. Have a great party!