Doing better...it's been a while!

Yes, we ARE doing better since my last post in October. That, my goodness, was a difficult season. We are receiving therapy from The Baby Fold, our local homestudy agency. A therapist comes over once a week to work with the kids together and especially help Brendan to settle into a closer attachment to our family.

Since that post:

• Aidan turned 8! We had a fun family day + grandpa at Legoland in Schaumberg. Aidan loves all things Lego Ninjago and has recently discovered Angry Birds.
• We had our first Christmas with Brendan home. Fun times!!
• We were all really sick between Thanksgiving and Christmas...lots of sharing of germs!
• I've had numerous injuries to deal with since New Years...my knee, my foot, and my neck. Tried physical therapy for my knee, and when that didn't work I went to my wonderful chiropractor. He used a high-powered laser on my knee for a while and it's much better. My foot seems to be fine now, and my neck is better but not 100% yet. Gotta work on that posture!
• From Feb-May, we averaged 5 doctor appts/week. It has been a very expensive spring for us.
• I got the privilege to travel with my dad and sis to the Hamptons in New York for my second cousin's wedding! It was SO nice to get away for a few days, even if it was a whirlwind trip. I want another cannoli....
• Last weekend Iona turned 4! We took the family to the circus and had a family party at our house the next day. Our little princess is in love with the Disney princesses and dress-up and at the same time loves to be uber active.
• I just had sinus surgery yesterday, so I actually have a bunch of down time to blog a little! I can't do much for the next 2 weeks. I hope to have some time to sleep, price clothes for our garage sale, plan for school next year, and read, not in that order.

Coming up this summer:

• Another adoption garage sale in June. We are THRILLED at all the wonderful donations we have received. We finally got our tax return, so we're trying to pay off the last $4000+.
• Brendan's 6th birthday in June, and his first one with our family! Our sweet boy loves all things Cars and crafts.
• Finishing up this school year and planning for next...not sure about our start date yet for fall. Curriculum post to come...

Home from China FAQ and a plea for help

I have had zero time for blogging since we've been home. Once we got back, we dealt with health issues for all three kids and I sprained my ankle. I still don't have time to blog, but we are desperate to get this information out. Thank you to all who have been praying for us.

How is your family doing?

We are equally struggling and doing well. We love having three kids and the transition to that has been very smooth. However, each individual child has been struggling with the changes, and that has been exhausting for us. We've been overwhelmed at the immensity of our kids' personal challenges.

How is Brendan adapting?

We are past the honeymoon period. He and Aidan get along great. He doesn't like Iona much yet. Brendan has been attached to Daddy from day 1, and that has not changed. When Pete went back to work, Brendan would not look at me at all by the afternoon. That has gotten better, but even tonight Brendan got very upset at me wanting to put him to bed...he definitely wanted Daddy. We have the biggest power struggles with him at meal times. He is learning that we love him but we are also in charge. I am learning patience.

Has he learned any English words?

Brendan understands a heck of a lot more than he can speak. We've been home just over six weeks, and we've seen more confidence in him in the words he says. He is speaking a little louder, where before he would barely even whisper to us when speaking English. He can say hi, more, please, please may I be excused (with help), Aidan, Iona, Daddy, Momma, apple, cars, book, the ABC song, amen,

Is Aidan feeling better?

For those who didn't hear, Aidan was having chronic diarrhea that started about 2 weeks before we left. It was not bad while we were gone, but then returned just as we came home. We could not keep up with it and he was losing weight. The doctor ran a bunch of tests, and we discovered that he had too much yeast in his gut. He is now dairy-free, sugar-free, and white flour-free. He is taking a strong probiotic each day, and now he can tolerate some of the above foods in small amounts. We will be doing this for the next few months and then see what he can take.

How is Aidan doing with his new brother?

Aidan has adapted really well with all the changes. He shares a room with Brendan and has been willing to share all but one set of his toys (including the ninja turtles!). He loves having Brendan in the bunk beds. He has been a great leader, helping Brendan with some of the day-to-day routine. And he does it happily. We have seen an increase in anger in him, and a few more tears than usual. Just before we traveled we had to stop his occupational therapy for his sensory processing disorder (he is sensory-avoidant) due to insurance changes. We've realized that his anger comes when he is in "fight" mode, and we need to work on helping him self-regulate. We need to find a new therapist (probably out of town) who is covered by our insurance, does specific sensory therapy, and will allow me in the room so I can learn. Until then, we're trying some things with him around the house.

How is Iona doing?

This could be a whole post in itself. Iona had a difficult time with us leaving her to get Brendan, and we didn't realize just how much for a little while after we had been home. We are working to rebuild trust and felt safety with her and disarm her fear. She has been over-the-top defiant, screaming and laughing at inappropriate times. She does seem to enjoy Brendan, and sometimes they play together so beautifully. We've learned to decode Brendan's squeals to know whether he's happy or not, and usually she is involved. We've had to change most of our parenting strategies, and it's been a hard but good exercise to unlearn what isn't working or helpful. I just went to a conference with speaker Karen Purvis, author of The Connected Child. I'm not going to rehash the conference, because I think Karen, Jennifer, and Angela each summed it up in amazing ways, and I just don't have time. It was SO worth it for me to go, and we bought some videos to help us learn and process the material and parenting method. I had already read most of the book before the conference and had started some of the technique the week before, and we were seeing some progress. Then I went away and got some awesome information and encouragement and rest. This last week has been incredibly difficult, and we started school on top of it. We've wondered jokingly at various times if Iona has SPD but is a sensory-seeker, and at the conference I became even more convinced. When we find an OT for Aidan we plan to get her tested as well.

How are you two doing?

We are having fun with our newer, larger family. Nothing major has caught us off-guard. However, we are exhausted at the end of each day and don't know how we are going to get done what we need to in the evenings and wake up and start all over again. Only with Jesus. We are thankful for Purvis' book and the new strategies we are learning. We are also on a waiting list with our home study agency to receive play therapy in our home for our kids for free...we should be able to start in the next couple of months. We are excited to get some new parenting tools from that.

How can we help?

We are thankful to all who have asked this. I have not really known how to respond, because, due to attachment-building, we can't really leave the kids with a sitter and go out. Here are some other ideas:

• Come over and hang out with one of us here with the kids. Bring your kids if you want (as long as they are healthy!). The other one will get out for some respite time. We will not ask you to parent our kids, but we'd love it if you could hang out with the others when we have to hunt one down. If you educate at home, maybe we could work out some combined school time.
• Help us clean our house. This is very difficult when we are cooking, teaching, and dealing with orphanage dust.
• Pete will be on a business trip for 4 days in Oct. I could use support especially on those days!
• Invite us out to a park. We would rather not go to other people's homes just yet, but a park would be delightful, especially with the weather so nice.
• If you have another idea, please offer it up!

We would call YOU personally, and we really want to hear how YOU are doing, but life is a bit exhausting at the moment and the mental energy to do that has disappeared.

Please call me (home phone preferred, but you can try my cell) or email me. I am barely on Facebook right now, and since they've made all their changes I don't get email notifications of new messages.

Lifesong Zambia

Brush to Berries from Lifesong for Orphans on Vimeo.

"Simply giving this person money is treating the symptoms rather than the underlying disease and will enable him to continue with his lack of self-discipline... a better solution would be to develop a relationship that says, we are here to walk with you and to help you use your gifts and abilities to avoid being in this situation in the future'" (An excerpt from the book, When Helping Hurts)

Lifesong is serving the people of Zambia... the orphaned, the at-risk, and the poor... by utilizing the land that is, like the people, so full of potential. Lifesong farms-Zambia reaped its first strawberry harvest in June, and local grocers have been purchasing the berries. With additional acres to farm, we are hoping to process some of the berries and begin marketing Lifesong Farms Strawberry Jam.

By harvesting fruit, we are able to serve more orphans by providing the gift of a job at Lifesong's gardens and self worth to an orphan's caregiver. We are also able to provide future employment for our kids as they transition into adult living, develop a system to raise funds to help cover operational costs, and develop expertise that can be replicated in multiple countries where Lifesong serves. Most of all, we are seeking to glorify Jesus as we teach others how He walked.

**GIVEAWAY:

1st PRIZE: Lifesong is giving away a 1-night hotel stay for the LIVE ORPHAN SUNDAY event in Kansas City!!! Let me just tell you, this event will be FABULOUS!!!

2nd PRIZE: Lifesong is giving away FREE Gobena Coffee for 1 year - 2 lbs per month shipped straight to your home.

HOW do you enter? Well, I'm glad you asked! There are several ways to enter. PLEASE LEAVE A SEPARATE COMMENT ON THIS LIFESONG POSTING FOR EACH ENTRY, including your email address so Lifesong is able to contact you!!!

1. Share how the Lord is working in and through your adoption/orphan care ministry (1 entry)

2. Re-post this Zambia blog posting on YOUR blog to share what the Lord has been doing at Lifesong Zambia (1 entry)

3. Tell about an Orphan Sunday event you had or attended in the past (1 entry)

4. Tell your plans for THIS YEAR's Orphan Sunday on Nov. 6th (1 entry)

5. Re-post this on your facebook wall (1 entry)

6. Re-post this on your twitter page (1 entry)

7. Post on YOUR blogs, facebook, or twitter and tell Lifesong that I sent you (1 entry)

8. Tell what you think about the 'Brush to Berries' video - what moved you, what stood out to you, what are you excited about? (1 entry)

9. Become a fan of Lifesong on facebook here (1 entry)

10. Send an email to info AT lifesongfororphans DOT org asking to receive our monthly updates (1 entry)

PLEASE leave a separate comment on Lifesong's post for EACH entry, including your email address so they are able to contact you!

***Giveaway starts immediately and ends at midnight on Monday, October 3rd.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

Tuesday in China we had our embassy appointment. Embassy in China is so much different than embassy in Ethiopia. Totally different building setup, and our guide could not go in with us in China. It went pretty easily. After we got back, we did a group picture on the famous staircase. We met the group for dinner that night at the Chinese restaurant in the hotel.

Wednesday we went to Shamain Island with another family from our group to do a little more shopping. We had lunch at the infamous Lucy's. Now we can say we've been to Lucy's restaurant in Ethiopia and China. After we ate we looked up and saw mousetraps in the ceiling. Oops. We did get to the pool one more time in the afternoon, and then we just grabbed dinner at the little convenience store and Starbucks. We also got our packing done.

Thursday morning (this morning) we took a private car from our hotel in Guangzhou to Hong Kong. We were worried about carsickness, but we should have worried about the crazy driving!! I just kept praying that God's covering would be over our car. We had a wonderful driver who got us door to door in just under 3 hours, but it was a wild ride! You cannot pay me enough to drive in China. NO WAY. Even the driver said Chinese driving was crazy. Hong Kong driving was much more civilized. We did get to see some nice scenery on the way, and Brendan did very well in the car. No one threw up. We were handed forms to fill out to leave China and to enter Hong Kong right as we left the first hotel, and I ended up having to hand it over to Pete partway through filling them out because I was starting to feel sick.

We got to our Hong Kong hotel at about lunchtime, got checked in, and ate in the hotel. Then we all took naps, since Pete and I didn't sleep well last night. Did I mention I am thrilled Brendan takes a 2-hour nap each day? After naps, we inquired about taking the hotel shuttle to downtown so we could take photos, but by that time it would have put us back to our room pretty late, and it was more expensive than we thought. We went to the hotel playground and then walked around the airport a little, locating where we will need to go in the morning and getting some cheaper food to eat. We hope to get to bed early tonight because we need to leave our room, ready to go, with luggage, by 6 am. By the time you all are going to bed Thurs night, we will be taking off for home!!

We are so ready to be done with hotels, airplanes, and eating out. Aidan and Iona, we can't wait to give you big hugs!! We will call you from Detroit on Friday afternoon!

Sunday, Monday

On Sunday I skipped out on the folk art museum trip with the group because I had been up most of the night with an upset stomach. I started on the Cipro I brought with, and I'm feeling a lot better now. I just mainly laid around a lot Sunday during the day. We did get to have pizza for dinner with a family from our travel group, which was nice.

Today we went shopping near the embassy and got a lot of souvenirs. We also had Brendan's tb test read...no tb! It was really hot out...in the 90s. I hear there's been cooler weather back home, and we are looking forward to it!! Brendan had his first frappicino and Subway sandwich and seemed to like both. He's napping now. Later on we plan to go to a steak house in the hotel for dinner, since today is our anniversary. We hope to take Brendan to the pool later when it cools down a little. If not tonight, then tomorrow. :)

Brendan is such a happy little boy. He's become quite the chatterbox with us in the room. We've enjoyed watching him play with play doh and bubbles for the first time. He has a few English words: hello, Iona, Brendan, yellow (we only heard this once). We are itching to get home and reunite our family...we think he and Aidan will get along very well.

Tomorrow is our embassy interview, and then we'll get his visa on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday morning we'll take a van to Hong Kong for our flight out Friday morning. We'll be home Friday evening!

Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. It's been pretty low key, and we've been traveling.

Thursday in Zhengzhou, we basically stayed around the hotel and rested and packed. We did go next door to a bookstore and found a few books for the kids in Mandarin. We also got the rest of our paperwork in hand from our guide. We had a good time laughing with Teresa about cultural confusion and funny language translations.

Friday morning we left for the airport for our flight to Guangzhou. The flight was almost 2 hours long and pretty uneventful. Brendan was excited to go on the plane, but once he was on, he was a bit unsure. We noticed him crying at one point on the trip, towards the end. We made it in one piece and got our luggage pretty quickly. And we found our guide, Amy, right away.

Guangzhou reminds us a lot of Hawaii. It's very beautiful and very hot. It's a bit easier to breathe here, too. It felt so go to be in the hands of a guide who speaks almost perfect English and who really understood us. (Amy is Lineker's wife.) Our hotel is very swanky. Amazing. It's a nice change from the previous part of our trip. And Brendan loves it because our window looks out into the pool. :)

Friday evening we met up with one family from our travel group and went to dinner. Brendan and I went to bed pretty fast after that. Poor kid had basically no nap, and I was exhausted too.

This morning we had breakfast at the hotel...SO MUCH better than all the other hotel breakfasts we had. We will be eating a lot better here. :) We then had the kids' photos taken and the medical exam completed. We found out Brendan has a hernia, so we'll get that checked out when we get home. He passed the exam, even the eye test, which we were really thankful for. Then we did some grocery shopping and bought Brendan a pair of shoes...he loves them because they light up. :) This afternoon we have our paperwork party and we'll drop off our laundry, and then we're doing a group dinner at the Japanese restaurant at the hotel. I hear they have unbelieveably good steaks.

Tomorrow we are visiting a local folk art museum and just relaxing. We can't take Brendan to the pool until Monday, after his tb test is read. He's so excited to go to the pool. Our hotel has a little playground, and there are two more within walking distance from the hotel.

Aidan and Iona, we miss you so much! We are coming home in about a week now! Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses.

Wednesday in Zhengzhou

On Wednesday morning we went with Teresa to the hospital around the corner so Brendan could see a doctor. We had to go in and request an appointment and then wait until our number was called. Someone in the hospital lobby gave her a doctor recommendation, so she requested an appointment with that doctor. The doc only sees about 27 patients on Wednesday mornings, and we were #25. We were thankful for God’s intervention there.

We decided to walk to a nearby mall to get some sandals for Pete while we waited for our appointment. We were able to see the mall ceremony for the opening of the building. The ladies inside marched like soldiers and spoke in unison when we went in. It was definitely a different experience! We were able to find some sandals on clearance, thankfully, so we got those and then went back over to the hospital to wait.

I am SO thankful for the medical care we have in the US. Wow. We were at a University hospital. It was dirty and loud. We went over to the pediatric outpatient area and sat in this hallway with all the other waiting families. We sat outside our doctor’s exam room. By the time we got there, they were only a couple of numbers away from our number, so we just stayed there to wait.

When it was our turn, Teresa, Brendan, and I went into the exam room. The doctor sat at a table with about 4 students who were watching and helping. There were a few other families in the room at the same time, and we waited on a bench in the room until it was our turn to come to the table. Once we were called up, the doctor examined him and talked with Teresa. She translated here and there and I gave my input too. The doctor was very kind. It turns out we fed Brendan too much food and too much variety…he is used to eating the same small meals every day and this was just a jolt to his system. We got prescriptions for meds for his fever and tummy. The doc was delighted that we were adopting him and was just so patient and kind with us.

We left the exam room and went over to pay the bill and then to the pharmacy area to have the prescriptions filled. It was very quick. The total bill was less than $25 I think (meds and exam). We walked back to the hotel and Teresa explained how to administer the meds.

Since then, Brendan seems to be feeling a lot better. He is full of smiles and laughter when we are alone. He is distrustful of crowds, and I don’t blame him. (Note to those coming to see us at the airport…you will probably not see him smile that night. Just give him time.) His fever has not returned, and we’ve severely limited his food amounts. He wasn’t too happy with us when we said no to some foods at dinner, but at the same time I think we built a huge amount of trust with him by getting him medical care when he needed it. Naptime today was the first time he did not cry himself to sleep. And his tears were silent ones before…the child does not make a lot of noise. He is very soft spoken. You need to lean in to listen to his words. Tonight we heard him say “hello” for the first time!

Brendan is painfully shy, as I’ve said before. He did not use a lot of words at the orphanage, so I’m curious at how his English will develop. It will definitely take some time. It will be very interesting to see, in about 4 months or so, if he is still a painfully shy little boy.

We took him to a park this afternoon, about a 10-minute walk through the busy streets of Zhengzhou. We could see it from our hotel room, and finally today we decided to venture out and get to it. When we first approached the park, Brendan just stood there and looked around. It made us wonder if he had ever been to a park before. We showed him how to do a couple of things, and pretty soon he was laughing and running around. It definitely was not as nice of a park as we have in the states, but it was pretty fun. It was right next to this track we see people running in throughout the day, doing tai chi, playing soccer, etc.

Tomorrow should be pretty low key. We will be getting the rest of our paperwork in hand. (Teresa will go get it and bring it to us.) We’ll be packing our bags in the evening, because on Friday we need to be at the airport by 10 am or so to fly to Guangzhou.